The Adventures of Jack Bunyun and Flamin' PeteThe Adventures of Jack Bunyun and Flamin' Pete How Pete got his Flames
Jack Bunyun was a mountain of a man, being Paul Bunyun's third cousin twice removed and all. Of course Jack had more in common with Paul then just his size. For one, they were both lumberjacks, and they both had an ox for a best friend. But Jack's ox wasn't blue like Paul's. Jack's ox was red like an apple and snorted fire out his nose.
Flamin' Pete is what they called that ox, though he didn't always breathe flames out his nostrils. It was way back when Jack had first met Pete that that ability had been acquired by the ox.
It had been a hot summer that year. Most days if was one hundred and fifty degrees in the shade, two hundred under the noonday sun. Ole' Jack and Pete were out walking in the northern woods one day just enjoying nature at its finest. The heat had dried up the trees and emptied the lake of their water. With a good strong breeze the trees could be blown bare and the lakes would fill up with the cru
Just Another TuesdayIt was Tuesday and I was still stuck in that goddamn, dragon-guarded cave with naught but the pack on my back and a knife. Getting in had been easy; the cave opening had been unguarded. Ran into nothing particularly dangerous on the first level, or the second level. Once I got down to the third level where the Staff of Indigestion was, I found out the meaning of dragon-guarded.
Three of them, a little baby dragon, its mama, and a very large papa dragon. When I walked in they were sitting down for some nice knight stew, and they didn't want any company. Not that I wanted to stay for dinner. It did smell delicious, but I had lost my appetite when I walked into the pantry on the second level.
You wouldn't have believed the roar that mama dragon let out when she saw me wander into their dining room. It shook the whole cave, and caused part of the ceiling to crash to the floor, which is actually an unimportant piece of info. Knowing then that I was unwelcome, I ran, like the coward I am, an
I Want to Love you Madly"I want to love you Manly."
Manly could only stare in shock. He never knew the queen was so sexy, but he'd never seen her in lingerie before. He'd never seen any woman in lingerie like that! Even the king would be amazed to see his wife like this.
"Your majesty, what about your husband?" Manly asked backing away.
"That oaf? He'll never find out." The queen moved closer to Manly, who now had nowhere to go, his back was up against the wall.
Beads of sweat formed on Manly's forehead as the queen but her arms around his waist. When he got the summons to the queen's chambers, Manly had been worried. The fear that he had fallen into disfavor with the queen after his last questionable adventure had been great. Though disfavor would have been bad, what Manly found to be the true reason for the summons was much worse.
The queen pulled herself closer to Manly, eliminating any empty space that might have existed between them a second ago.
"Y-your Majesty!" Manly yelled in panic.
The Emerald Banana: Part 3Part Three
Mama Mevil's house was located in the east part of town, where the semi-wealthy people lived. Wealthy people got the north, in the west were the guilds and merchants, and the poor were kept caged in the South, leaving the East for the semi-wealthy-wannabe-nobles. Though, Mama Mevil was no wannabe-noble. NO, in her youth Mama Mevil was considered the most noblest of all the noble ladies. Sadly, her husband was a fool and Mama had to move to her parents quaint little semi-rich home.
The home itself was fairly small, but it still looked huge compared to the shacks the poor were locked in at night. A one-story building of elegance and beauty, the best semi-rich money could buy.
It was now at the fairly elaborate door of Mama Mevil's house that Captain Chit and Nameless Guard #1 stood. They had already rang the doorbell, and knocked, several times. Captain Chit was getting impatient.
Before the Captain could tear the door down, though, it opened revealing Sinidrar in all his sini
The Emerald Banana: Part 2Part Two
"Captain, we've just received word that the Emerald Banana has been stolen!"
Those were the words that cause Captain Chit Mar's morning to be rushed. He had been sound asleep in his quarters at the city guard bunkers when Nameless Guard #1 burst into the room and the captain the startling news.
"The Emerald Banana! Really?" The captain had said as he hurried to get dressed.
"Yes, sir. And the guard who was on duty at the time is missing."
Now the captain was at the scene of the crime, Nameless Guard #1 standing right behind him.
"Who was on duty?" Captain Chit asked the nameless guard.
"Taun Smaur, sir. Newest member to the city guard."
"That's interesting," the Captain muttered as he looked around the Emerald Banana's special room.
Captain Chit Mar was getting on in years, his hair was completely gray now. He was short and stocky and dressed in fairly standard guard uniform. The only differences were he had no helmet, traded the leather cuirass for a bronze one, and replace t
The Emerald Banana: Part 1Part One
To say that Taun Smar's job was interesting would be a complete and total lie. Guarding the legendary Emerald Banana – legendary because of its worthlessness – was the most boring job in the history of boring jobs. Taun would gladly take any other job, but as the newest member of the city guard he was stuck with the lowest position.
"Oh well, at least I didn't get stuck as one of the Nameless Guards."
Taun was fairly young with a wife and a son to provide for. He had brown eyes with hair to match, was not particularly handsome but wasn't ugly either, and was of average build. Wearing the standard guard uniform, leather cuirass, boots, and bracers with brown pants and polished helmet, Taun could be mistaken for any other guard.
Sighing, Taun looked behind him at the Emerald Banana. Made by the Jewelers Guild, the worthless gem was the biggest emerald ever unearthed. Carved into the distinctive shape of a banana the emerald was expected to be sold for a hundred tho
Dragon Slaying 101Once upon a time, in a land far from here, I was busy training to fight a dragon. Sure, I know what you’re thinking. Fight a dragon!? Dragons don’t exist! Well, I assure you that dragons do exist. Okay, now you’re thinking the possibility of me ever having the nerve or the skills to fight a dragon is a definite impossibility. Well, I have. So, now the “true” story of how I fought and slayed a dragon.
The land needed a dragon slayer, like me, to take care of a terrible dragon that had been terrorizing the people and eating all the rutabagas. Yes, rutabagas. This land just happened to be Rutabagia, the rutabaga capital of the world and main supplier of rutabagas to all grocery stores, and the dragon, it was a rutabaga-eating dragon.
I had noticed the ad for the job in the newspaper. I’d slayed a few small wyverns the year before and figured I could take on a rutabaga-eating dragon.